I have just been though a month of “Gardening” or what some people would call removing old roots and I have come to realize that one there was a lot of crap in my life that I had to deal with and secondly there was a lot of stuff I had held on too for way to long. As I sat back and asked the Lord to reveal what he had been telling me I began to realize that a lot of this was holding me down health wise. I never knew how much anger, resentment and defensiveness could keep a person in bondage.
But this was only the beginning of what was to come in my life. I never realized how much this was going to change me and how much this was going to leave me with a very empty feeling. I have been walking around with an empty spirit, holes in the garden were anger, resentment and hurt once was. I am now at a point in this time of transition where I need to be filling it with things of the Lord. But what really is that?
How do you begin to fill the holes that were once full of garbage. How do you begin to find what it is that you need to not walk around lost and confused. Well the answer is not that simple. I am only in the 3rd week of April and I still have yet to find out what this is.
I cannot believe that taking the month away from things and taking the time to look into all these roots was only the beginning. My mentor said that the Lord is never done with us until we are in heaven. I want to be the best person that God has called me to be. I want to be the best leader that I can be. But what does this look like. What does this really mean?
The question is not that simple. There is a lot of sacrifice that has to be made when do this. I just got through an intense 5 Days in His Presence at the church and I went non-stop with everything. I ran hard and really never took any time to just sit and soak in what the Lord was doing. I did get hit with stuff and was able to give a word to a friend but really never just sat. I hated not being able to sit and take in and I love it all at the same time.
Strage from a guy who after 5 days has not done anything in the Sound booth on Tuesdays. I really want to lead and over see things rather then just doing. This is a hard concept for me. Especially when one place I volunteer @ never schedules Media Shout people separate from Recording. I always end up doing Media Shout when one of the ladies is on Recording. So I never just get to take in and hear from the Lord. I do hear from the Lord when things are going on but not my undivided attention.
Sometimes we need to just sit in his presence and take in what the Lord is doing. We need to know what he wants for our lives and what he wants us to change. I know this because he asked me to remove my cable tv from my home and to spend more time in his word and just listing to what the people around me (mentors, friends, pastors etc.) are saying. So this is what I am trying to do. Now I know it only takes a few min a day to be in his presence but there is so much more to it then that.
I am finding that if we really want to live the life that the Lord is calling us to live that we must first put him first. Secondly be willing to leave everything behind and thirdly do what the Lord commands of us. If we can do that and be willing to sacrifice everything then we can do anything. We are called to be Sons and Daughters of the most high God and to be secure in that. If we can get that in our hearts then everything else is gravy!
Here is my thing though. It is hard I know that through Christ all things are possible (Philippines 4:13) but I am just encountering a few things lately that have got me held down, confused and at times upset. These situations are leaving me lost, clouded and confused at what to do. That may seem strange but we all encounter things that do this to us. A few of the situations I have had to leave in the Lords hand and walk away and just continue to pray for them. I know that is hard!
The decrement team say to me during 5 Days in His Presence that if it becomes a burdon and it starts to feel really heavy then it is time to walk away and leave it in the Lords hands. But continue to pray for that situation. We must continue to pray till we see the break though that the Lord want to show/give us until then we are not doing praying.
Starting this month I am joining the prayer team at our Young Adults department and I have never been more thrilled in my life to be on this team. I love to be in prayer, I love to study his word. My only down fall is concentration and time. But with the added bonus of having no tv except the videos and movies on my portable hard drive and dvds I should be able to make the time to sit in his presence and learn what it is he has for my life.
But I now have to get ready for church. Have A Blessed Sunday!
I do though want to leave you with this video from Misty Edwards call “My Soul Longs For You” just sit back and listen to the words as Misty Sings
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