Category Archives: Questions

When You Cannot Sleep

Posted on January 4, 2011 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Its Amazing!,

Yes Its Amazing to what happens when you cannot sleep. There are so many reasons for not being able to sleep I mean you could have insomnia, you could have back issues, stress or even chronic pain issues. Me I have it all and when I cannot sleep I find myself watching the same shows and movies that I have seen over and over again to avoid those pesky infomercials and repeats that plague the moder entertainment world. I surf Facebook and click on link after link looking at the same photos, hoping to see something that I have not seen or remember and finally click over to YouTube. I even just sit in my favorite chair with my heating pad on just hoping that my back pain goes away the Advil or Tylenol will kick in and I will be able to sleep. Tonight is not that night

Tonight I went to bed and within the hour pain hit so I got up did some of that crazy stuff I do and then tried to go back to be in the hour again with the pain plus a pesky infection in my throat that will not go away so I kept caughing so I got up again and here I sit having going through facebook, surfed YouTube, looked at my own website and wondered to myself why am I watching “You Got Mail” Could it be it is based on an old movie “Shop Around The Corner” or is it because I love the fact that it is about an e-mail (not a good e-mail provider but email) conversation between two people who like each other but in the real world not cyber they are mortally hate each other  and don’t know it, who knows

I just know that tonight I feel like **** and I am over tired and in pain and really just cannot sleep. I have been working on this computer for the last 4 hours watching this movie and ready to cry, heating pad don’t work, cannot find the files I need to edit for tomorrow and am still drinking gallons and gallons or water.  I really thought I would get some sleep before heading to church but that is not the case. Guess I will be working on no sleep again.

Till Next Entry

Filed Under: Questions

I Give Up

Posted on October 21, 2010 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

It has not been that long since I posted but there has been a lot on my mind. I have been crazy busy with stuff at the church and I have been crazy busy with the new Website for the Young Adults.. But there have been some things in my personal life that I am not proud of.

I don’t know what it is but it seems to me like I am living a double life. In my house I struggle with stuff that I feel like I cannot over come. Then at church it seems like everything is fine. Now I live alone and that should be no excuse but living alone can get you into trouble that you normally would not get into if you lived with someone or with your parents. But I am at a point were I feel like giving up and saying well i’ll never overcome this issue. I am ready to throw in the towel and stop fighting. I am ready to say this is who I am and just go on living my life. I am tired of Fighting it. Now you may be asking yourself what is it that you are fighting.. well only for those of you who know what it is this will make sense.. But I will say it again. I just cannot fight it any more. I AM DONE!

I know that when the temptation comes that is not the sin.. it is falling for the temptation that is the sin. But it is hard to fight the temptation when you are trying to not do the sin. I find that when we are trying to do what the Lord asks of us, that it is always when we get tempted the most. I in the last little while have been tempted almost daily and for the most part have not been able to beat this down. Like my mentor says repent for the sin and move forward.. but how many times can we commit the same sin and repent till God goes enough already! I am at that point.. when is enough enough when it is time to say no more.. when it is time to just say NO MORE!

I don’t know with this.. I just don’t know anymore, I can say it and have alot in this entry that I am tired of fighting it! Well this is just me letting off some steam

Til Next Entry

Filed Under: Questions

A Journey

Posted on April 18, 2010 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

I have just been though a month of “Gardening” or what some people would call removing old roots and I have come to realize that one there was a lot of crap in my life that I had to deal with and secondly there was a lot of stuff I had held on too for way to long. As I sat back and asked the Lord to reveal what he had been telling me I began to realize that a lot of this was holding me down health wise. I never knew how much anger, resentment and defensiveness could keep a person in bondage.

But this was only the beginning of what was to come in my life. I never realized how much this was going to change me and how much this was going to leave me with a very empty feeling. I have been walking around with an empty spirit, holes in the garden were anger, resentment and hurt once was. I am now at a point in this time of transition where I need to be filling it with things of the Lord. But what really is that?

How do you begin to fill the holes that were once full of garbage. How do you begin to find what it is that you need to not walk around lost and confused. Well the answer is not that simple. I am only in the 3rd week of April and I still have yet to find out what this is.

I cannot believe that taking the month away from things and taking the time to look into all these roots was only the beginning. My mentor said that the Lord is never done with us until we are in heaven. I want to be the best person that God has called me to be. I want to be the best leader that I can be. But what does this look like. What does this really mean?

The question is not that simple. There is a lot of sacrifice that has to be made when do this. I just got through an intense 5 Days in His Presence at the church and I went non-stop with everything. I ran hard and really never took any time to just sit and soak in what the Lord was doing. I did get hit with stuff and was able to give a word to a friend but really never just sat. I hated not being able to sit and take in and I love it all at the same time.

Strage from a guy who after 5 days has not done anything in the Sound booth on Tuesdays. I really want to lead and over see things rather then just doing. This is a hard concept for me. Especially when one place I volunteer @ never schedules Media Shout people separate from Recording. I always end up doing Media Shout when one of the ladies is on Recording. So I never just get to take in and hear from the Lord. I do hear from the Lord when things are going on but not my undivided attention.

Sometimes we need to just sit in his presence and take in what the Lord is doing. We need to know what he wants for our lives and what he wants us to change. I know this because he asked me to remove my cable tv from my home and to spend more time in his word and just listing to what the people around me (mentors, friends, pastors etc.) are saying. So this is what I am trying to do. Now I know it only takes a few min a day to be in his presence but there is so much more to it then that.

I am finding that if we really want to live the life that the Lord is calling us to live that we must first put him first. Secondly be willing to leave everything behind and thirdly do what the Lord commands of us. If we can do that and be willing to sacrifice everything then we can do anything. We are called to be Sons and Daughters of the most high God and to be secure in that. If we can get that in our hearts then everything else is gravy!

Here is my thing though. It is hard I know that through Christ all things are possible (Philippines 4:13) but I am just encountering a few things lately that have got me held down, confused and at times upset. These situations are leaving me lost, clouded and confused at what to do. That may seem strange but we all encounter things that do this to us. A few of the situations I have had to leave in the Lords hand and walk away and just continue to pray for them. I know that is hard!

The decrement team say to me during 5 Days in His Presence that if it becomes a burdon and it starts to feel really heavy then it is time to walk away and leave it in the Lords hands. But continue to pray for that situation. We must continue to pray till we see the break though that the Lord want to show/give us until then we are not doing praying.

Starting this month I am joining the prayer team at our Young Adults department and I have never been more thrilled in my life to be on this team. I love to be in prayer, I love to study his word. My only down fall is concentration and time. But with the added bonus of having no tv except the videos and movies on my portable hard drive and dvds I should be able to make the time to sit in his presence and learn what it is he has for my life.

But I now have to get ready for church. Have A Blessed Sunday!

I do though want to leave you with this video from Misty Edwards call “My Soul Longs For You” just sit back and listen to the words as Misty Sings

Till Next Entry

Filed Under: 5 Days in His Presence, Church, Questions

My Prayer Life

Posted on March 15, 2010 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

It is 5:27 am and I am wide awake after having a semi-good night sleep and you might be asking yourself what would anyone care about that? Well you may not but it is strange to me. I just read an old entry called “Handling Your Own Affairs” and It reminded me that I had wanted to get up every morning between 5:00 – 5:30 and spend two hours with the Lord starting and prayer and seeing where he wants me to go.

Well it is strange that I was never able to keep that up like I used to. Life for me is difficult. I get up in the morning weather at 5:00 am or 10:00 am and find myself having to take some time to just sit in bed and let my body wake up. If you have been following my blog/journal/diary then you will know that I suffer from Fibromyalgia and it takes me a long time in the morning to get going. I take a boat load of pills for that and it is related conditions and then I get going for the day.

Well this old post reminded me that back in January of 2009 Pastor Derek was preaching a series on the Power of Continual Prayer and that was around the time I made a commitment to myself to get up early before anyone in my house and spend 2 hours a day in prayer.. Well March came by I got sick and BAM! all was done.. by June nothing and by August my prayer life was next to nothing.. It was not until my mentor sparked something in me that I decided to get back in to a prayer life.

Well here we are back in March 1 year later and back in the same position trying yet again to get this right. Plus this month is a month of changes in my life. Yet I look back and it was this time last year that I was still not into a full prayer life. I look at people like Andrea Smith, Pastor Derek, My Mentor and i think to myself “they have it all together” they some how know how to work prayer into their daily schedules and still do all the things they need to get done.

So me being a single man with lots of health issues should be able to do the same.. nadda I suck at this part of my life. Yes I can do the afternoon a week at the church and get some time in with the Lord but that is not enough 1 day a week does not cut it. So I began to think to myself what is it that is keeping me from the lord?

What is it that I am doing wrong. What is it that guys like Ron, Matt, Andrea and Derek have that I don’t. Why is it a man who is called to ministry of some sort still cannot fit in even 15 min to pray. What a looser am I. If I can make time almost every day to write in my blog. then why can I not make time to pray. My priorities are out of whack.

My life this month seems out of balance. My life seems to have the scales tipping towards the world more then the things of God. Is that bad? Yes! Should I re-evaluate DUH! I really gotta sit down and look at my life and Go okay now what? What needs to change.. is it the time I go to bed.. is it the time I spend on the computer, tv, internet etc.. well DUH again this is only part of it.

If I don’t get the most important part of my life in order then nothing will ever fall into place.. I look like I have it all together but really inside my spiritual life is the biggest mess of all right now. Strongholds getting the better of me. Joke I make with friends, and even my thought life right now SUCK!

I find that when I spend time with the Lord my life always falls into place. My jokes are better, and things in ministry seem to get done. That two hours or the time I spend seems to get redeemed back. There is a no secret to going after the things of God put that first and the things of life will fall into place and when you look like you have it all together you do!

I have learned from experience and from my mentor seek the kingdom first and all the things of life will fall right into place.

Try it. I will be this week for sure. Give 15 min and find some one to keep you accountable. My Mentor has been working with someone else like this and his prayer life is off the wall. So why after 3 years with my mentor do I struggle with this. I should be way farther then ever before and yet I am not.

Am I an idiot, am I lazy none of the above. Should I make excuses? No. So what is wrong with me? At the church when I am all alone and there is no technology except my laptop and some music I am fine. At home with two computers, pvr, tv, stereo etc… I cannot turn off ministry I cannot stop working on the things that Lorna, Matt, Sunday needs to get done. Yet I know the key to getting all that done and don’t do it.

Well it is Monday the start of a new week. So lets get my butt in gear and get on this quit talking about it. Move it. Put that music on and get in to the prayer life I so want.

If there is anything the Lord is teaching me it is “I have told you enough now.. JUST DO IT!” I know things from the Lord that I really should not know anything about and yet he still shows me after such a crappy prayer life. Now is the time do it or shut up

Till Next Entry

Filed Under: Prayer, Questions

Random Thoughts: A Month of Changes

Posted on March 13, 2010 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

Have you ever had one of those days you wish you could just crawl under a rock and hide from it all.. I do.. that was today.. I have been going through a month long transformation and I have been dealing with a lot of things from my past I have never delt with and well to be honest.. it is hard to deal with my past and to deal with what I have held in a locked box for a very long time. Some of them as been easy to let go of and some have not been.

I just wonder what the next 2 weeks will hold. I just wonder what life will have in store for me. But today I let my stronghold get the best of me and since then I have locked myself in front of my laptop and tried to forget that it even happend.

Yesterday I had a chat with a man who I admire more than anything in the world. He gave me some excellent wisdom into what the Lord is doing with my life and some things that are to come even though I did recieve it I began to wonder why did the Lord choose me.. why am I in the place that I am now.. did I make choices in my life that lead me to the person that I am now.

What could I have done to change the path that I took what could I have done to prevent some of the things that are going on in my life right now. Some of my life right now I am very happy with and some I still want to rip out of me and say “Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!”

I have to say some of the best things that happend in my life are this. 1 and the first of all things is meeting my mentor and friend here is a man other then my parents who has kept me grounded and on the path that my mother knew all my life that I should be on.

The second thing was finding a good church. I had been church hoppin’ for some time.. going back and fourth from one church to the next and back to the church I grew up in and it was not until my long time friend Serena brought me to “The Embassy” and I have stayed put ever since.

The third thing was meeting a man who seems to have it all together. A Wife, 3 beautiful kids and a very technologily setup home. I really wish I had gone the path that he did and that my mom knew I belonged on and maybe I would have been like him too.

Should I after stating all of that really be upset with my life? Well ya.. don’t we all have something in our life we would like to change? I do.. but that will happen in time. I have to keep dealing with the root of the issues rather then cutting off the bad fruit.

Here I am sitting alone in my apartment with nothing but me, my computers and television and yet I spend all day working on stuff for DHOP and watching tv when I could have spent time in the word, reading my book and keeping good things around me.  Maybe then my strong hold would have not gotten the best of me.

I am right now watching Fame the 2009 remake and I am watching people who know there place in life and are working towards it. After the last two weeks I question my place in life. I question weather I am on the right path. I question weather God really wants me to do things in technology when there are so many more people in the church who can do what I do so much better.

This year is only just begun and I feel more unshure of what my purpose is now then when Pastor Derek spoke on finding your place in the kingdom with his series “His Kingdom, Your Purpose” and I guess that stems from watching a guy take my place as leader in the Media department of This Generation get further along in 2 weeks than I ever did in 3 years. Makes me doubt myself and feel really small. It is not him but it is me..

Do I have what it takes to do what my mentor is asking? Do I have what it takes to do what it is the Lord wants. Will I ever see the fullness of my Kingdom Purpose or will I be on my death bed going “why why why”

I don’t know some days.. I don’t know if I will ever really know.. taking a step back.. yes I did that. I did what the Lord is asking except the one thing that opens the door to my stronghold.

My life may look in order, my life may look like I have it all together but don’t be surprised if I struggle internally with who I am and what it is the Lord wants me to become.

Matthew 22:14 says
“For many are invited but few are chosen” (HCSB)
“For many are called but few are chosen” (NASB)

A good friend said to me the other day that “The Lord Does The Hiring and He is Calling Me” but am I ready? Can I Do It? Can I make those sacrifices that are needed to be done in order to see the fulfillment of my destiny? I really don’t know anymore. I thought I was ready for what this month had in store but now I am unsure.

Just me wondering and maybe even being in self-pitty again but just Random Thoughts that are running in my head.

Filed Under: Church, Questions

Fruit, Good or Bad?

Posted on February 16, 2010 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

This past 2 weeks have been very interesting, very fun, and very draining on my spirit and on top of that my health has been so so. But I have tonight noticed something in me that really needs some work.

I have a huge stronghold and I know is keeping me from my full true destiny in Christ and has kept me down for years now and tonight I noticed something. I only let this strong hold get the best of me when I am tired, sore or my mind is clouded from “Fibromyalga (Fibro) Fog” now you might be asking what is that.. click the link and you will know more.

But in all of this you have to ask yourself, what is it that causes me to let my strong hold get the best of me? What hours of the day does this happen most? What is the situation that can open the door to this beating me and me not beating it?

Well I can answer all of these but during a Fibro Fog moment these questions and answers don’t matter. When I am in a fibro fog moment all of that is out the door.. nothing much makes sense to me number, thoughts, or even what is going on around me. This is when I fall most in to my strong hold.

But in saying all of that we must remember that each of us have something that can keep us down. But when do you say Enough is Enough! When do you say I want to overcome my stronghold.. When do you say I Give..

I have been saying this for years! But since my health started to decline in early 2000 this has not been an easy thing for me to over come.. I can use all the excuses I want.. I can even use my health as one of the causes.. but in the end is it not just me.. is it not just saying no I won’t let this get to me enough?

Yes and No.. somethings in our life are not that easy to say no to.. even the situation that we are in is sometimes hard to say no to.. Something so simple as a movie at a friends house, that bottle of booze on the table at dinner out with a friend.. what ever the situation we have to learn to be strong.

We have to rely on God to help us get through all the things that cause us to fall down go boom!. My Pastor, Mentor and Friend keeps me accountable in my stronghold and always reminds me of this verse from Romans 8:1

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (NIV) (NASB)

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. (KJV)

So now, those who are in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty (NCV)

Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus (HCSB)

THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit. (AMP)

It is a verse (in many versions listed above) that I hold dear to me every time I slip up.. Every time I fall in to the hands of my strong hold.

My Pastor and Good Friend are going to be working with me a lot in march to over come these things.. It all comes down to what my good friend (RIP) Josh Wiedrick said to me once.. “If we get rid of just the bad fruit we only get rid of the problem for a short time, but if we get rid of the root we get rid of the entire issue and the problem is gone.”

For those of you who did not get that.. I was helped to understand it this way. Think of a tree that has fruit on it but it is always coming up bad.. so you remove the rotten fruit and for a time you get good fruit. But just when you think that everything is okay.. BAM! Rotten fruit comes back on that same tree.. It you remove the root that is causing that fruit to come back time and time again you then totally remove the problem. It Reminds of me of another favorite verse from the Book Psalms Chapter 1

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. (NIV) (NASB)

–

1 How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked,
or take the path of sinners, or join a group of mockers!

2 Instead, his delight is in the LORD’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

4 The wicked are not like this; instead, they are like chaff that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not survive the judgment, and sinners will not be in the community of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to ruin. (HCSB)

That is what we as Christians need to do. Look at the fruit you are getting and look at the cause of the fruit. If we don’t like what we see then we need to examine ourselves and see how to change the fruit we are getting

Yes the month of march scares me because I am the type of person that has everything in order and needs to know what is coming up next. But.. this is a month of ????? I will not know what the Lord will have me do, what will my mentor have for me?, what will a month of not being in sound booth of This Gen look like? Am I Ready for this?

No I am not ready for this! but are we ever ready for this? But are we ever ready to walk into what the Lord would have us do? If we truly want to walk into the fullness of our destiny there are sacrifices that we all need to take. So Yes March scares me and Yes I wonder what will happen.. but I have to say “Here I Am Lord, Use Me!”

Till Next Entry

Filed Under: Church, Questions

Dear God

Posted on May 17, 2009 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Dear God,

Yes its me again, I sure you have other things to do then read a letter from a  blogger who would at time rather watch Touched By An Angel then sit down and pray or even read your word but I just wanted to sit down and tell you some things that were going on in my life. I am sure you know this already but I hope you will read this.

This week has been a good week for me father I only let my strong holds get the best of me once. But the rest of the week has not been so good. I have been working on a disc with Lorna from Durham House of Prayer and I have been listing to my friend who you took home this month. I always wondered why you took him home but I know he is up there with you and is safe but.. can you make sure he gets a copy of this. Let him know I miss him and that things have not been the same without him. I needed someone to talk to this week and no one was around to set me straight and just when I was at my worst and about to give up on things Pastor Matt called.

Father, you know I have been working on a website for the kids ministries and well I thought this would go over with the web department but it did not. Father I feel like I am stepping on toes but after a good talk with a friend I know that I am doing right and thanks to my chat with him I feel better and I know that I am using the giftings that you gave me to take the gospel to the world. Father I am amazed at the talents you gave and taught me thought our worship leader to get the site done for Embassy JR & SR High. I never thought that Pastor Randy would never like it and would you believe it he loved it and now instead of having JR & SR High split into two websites we now have one! I am so proud of myself but I could not have done it without the talents you gave me. I hope to use these talents to get the Kids Ministry going as well.  But enough about that.

My family life is going well. My mother is still working hard at finding an apartment for herself and me. My sister is still coming over quite often and I get to see Ivy quite a bit.. I just love little Ivy something about her just draws me to he. She has a lot of poential and she will do something great with her life. I hope that she never makes the same mistakes that me and her mother did. Lilly amazes me she is so smart, and she listens and knows everthing that is going on in the family. She is growing up so fast can you believe next month she will be four years old my how time flys. Dad is doing well his burner went on the frits this week and he has not been able to finish is dvds I wish I could give him the money, I wish I could give mom and dad all the money they need to take a holiday and what they gave up for oma in the last few months.

Oma is in a weird state these days mom and dad had to tell her that she is in a nursing home. That did not go over well at all. She was in such a bad state the other day and was misruable and she would not listen to anything I had to say. I wish that she would understand that mom and dad nor I can do it any more that they need to have a life too. I think Oma is a perfect place, plenty of care, good food, good people.. well if she would talk to them and most of all fine nurses and drs. I love her to death and if I had to this summer I would take care of her. I did not really want to but I would do anything to help out this family even if I had to give up my summer that would be fine.

Things at the church could never be better I am my most happiest when I am there. The people I work with are amazing, I am so excited to be working there and I feel it it a honour to be asked to work with Pastor Matt, there is no better person to be working with then him. I cannot get over some of the stuff that he has taught me over the years. Years that is funny do you believe it is 3 years this month that I have been at this church and 3 years in September that I have been surving in the Creative Arts Department and now look I have some of the best people to ever have the pleasure of working with.

Pastor Derek spoke an amazing message that I had the pleasure of editing in a long time. It has been a long while since we heard a good message like that from Pastor Derek in a long long time. I was so jellious when he left for Kiev and got to spend a month with Pastor Sunday that would be such an honour to spend a month following and learning from my mentor like that. I always wished I had half the ministry that even Pastor Matt or Derek have but I realized in the last little while that this was your destiny for them. I have my own destiny and my own ministry that you will make perfect. I just don’t know if I am worthy of it.

Father God, I am feeling really down about myself in the last little while. I am really not happy with myself these days. I don’t think I can fight my strong holds any more I think it has gotten the best of me. I think some days I don’t have it in me. I want to fight it but it is so hard and with my disablilties and lack of money and even my lack of physical strength. I just wonder who I really am. Who you want me to be. I know that I have fullfilled one part of the destiny you have for me but… what is the rest of it? What is the next step? What do you want with me now? I am I worthy of the position that you have given me? What am I really doing? Each week I come in and hide in the back with the best people I have ever worked with. But I cannot get over how much you have given me.

Father I am scared I am afraid of the next step. I don’t know if I can do it. It is 1:00 am and I have not slept yet. I have been watching Touched By An Angel since 10:30 and loving it but really what is next? Why is it that with out my meds I cannot sleep and with my meds I sleep to much? I want to get up again at 5:00 am and rest in your presence and chat with you. I love our two hours each moring that we can get up and meet you, me and Ihop on God TV. Father forgive me for not making the time. Forgive me for not being the man that you called me to be. Let me be the best man I could ever be. Let me be the best example of a Man of God that I am called to. Let me be a living example for Lilly and Ivy and even be the best man I can be.

Father I know I am rambling as most of my prayer get but father let me ask you this… Please take care of my family expcially Oma and bless mom for all that she has and will do for this family. Bless Pastor Matt for all that he does in my life. As I close this letter thank you for being there for me. Thank you for letting me serve the kingdom and thank you for all that you have done.

With All my Heart & Love
Matthew

Filed Under: Friends, Questions

Times and Seasons

Posted on May 12, 2009 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

As I sit here I am amazed at how much I got done to day at the church it is now 3:56 in the afternoon and as I write this entry listing to Kimberly and Alberto Rivera and prepare for tonight’s This Generation service I begin to ask myself.. What am I doing here? I have a stronghold that has taken the best of me this week and I really don’t feel like I should even be here today. All I want to do is hide.

But I am reminded that when we hide the Lord still sees what we are doing. I just re-read a comment on a post that is now private by a faithful reader and it inspires me to go on and fight the good fight. I have always wanted this blog to be an inspiration to others and to help someone out there in the land we call Cyber Space to know that there is someone who struggles too.

For the longest time I did not blog. This may well be my fourth or fith time at having a blog that speaks to others. I was on the beginning stages of livejournal.com and then moved to blogger when I found that it allowed me to post my blog via my own hosting space rather then at a host with a long name.  which is kinda funny where I host now. But then after blogger and two domain names I just stopped. I let my domain mattitude.ca go and then one night while I was in prayer over what to do with my domain mjsd.ca (my birth initials) the Lord told me to let that domain go. I was holding on to something with a lot of baggage behind it.

I remember I was in the last stages of what did not start out but became an all night prayer. I was asking him what to call my new site, what to do with my old domain and should I even keep it. I remember him telling me.. Let go of your past, remove the baggage from your life. Let this domain go and I will help you out with your next site. Well I began to run with it.

I first started out calling it Geeks 4 God and ran with the idea of a Tech blog that would be about using technology for the Kingdom but that did not sit well with me and my mentor I found that I was getting to wrapped up in the whole identity of being the Geek who was for God and who loved his technology.

As my late friend and I went though some a time of diggin’up roots that had not been delt with I began to find out that I was so wrapped up in Geek 4 God that even the people around me only saw me as that.  I did not know what to do I was torn. So I developed this site and ran the two together.

I still did not think I would have any impact on anyone with the blog I just trusted that the Lord would do his thing. I still hope to put a domain on it and I still hope to reach more people. But this is a faith thing. This is something that will be in the Lords time.

I remember a sermon by Pastor Derek Schneider called Understanding Times and Seasons and this really helped me to understand why we go though short seasons, why some seasons are long and why the Lord does things the way he does them. Sometimes I think the seasons are too long, sometimes I wonder that was quick. I really think the Lord is grieved by me right now. I really think that sometimes he is mad at me. I just know right now that he is grieved with me.

I have learned that are strong holds get the most of us when we are alone weather in the bedroom, or as a single person living on his own it always gets you most when you are alone, tired and at your weakest point. That is when we have to be most on guard. That is when the devil can get in and take us down. WE CANNOT LET HIM.

We are governed by Times and Seasons my Pastor would say but we in that season can do things that will change what happens in the next. A Pastor who recently resigned his post to move on to other ministry opportunities taught on transitional prayer. This is a type of prayer that a person can do so that he does not take any baggage over to the next season.

You see we can have roots or bad fruit that can be carried in from one season to the next and if we are not careful we can actually in my opinion damage the season we are moving into. Each season will come with its own baggage but don’t ever bring the old baggage into the new season or it will get harder and harder (in my opinion) to get rid of.

Well I am rambling again but if you would like to know more on the topic of times and seasons I encourage you to listen to the sermon by Pastor Derek Schneider listed/linked above and to watch out in your moments of weakness and not let the devil ruin this season or the next.

Filed Under: Church, Questions, Technology

Random Thoughts 8 of Many: Oh Woe is Me

Posted on May 7, 2009 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

As I write this post I am watching ER that I recorded on my PVR today in stunning HD on a Low Def TV.. I Call it HDL HA HA HA.  I am not really that impressed with myself these days.. #1 this eye infection is getting better but for all intensive purposes is not making it any easier to see.

But what I am beating myself up about is still my biggest strong hold. I have identified most of the roots of the issue but.. still it has a hold on me. I feel like I’m never going to beat this thing. I learned that most times the problem happens in the private place. No matter what the strong hold it is always done when it is just you and God watching. then like most people we put that skeliton in the closet and move on.  Yes I repent of the issue and mean it but it awalys gets me when I am tired, sore from my fibro and when I am mentaly shot. When does your strong hold get you? When do you find it hardest to fight?

I know that I will beat this, I know that when I find that apartment I have been praying for I will get a chance to get away from the place that causes me to fall down (I hope) I am looking at a challenge when I move out.. I would tell you know but me and my mentor are still going over what that will be. I just know that it will be about a 6 months in total time. Being on Disablilty allows me for more time to work on my relationship with Christ. This is a luxury that most people would die for. I don’t know how people like my Pastor of embassy | this generation works full time at the church, travils all over the work and still manages to make time to pray 3 full days a month.

I don’t know how he does it but I do know this much his ministry is going strong and I feel like my part of embassy | this generation which is to over see the Creative Arts (sound, recordings, media shout & lights) end of things is not going anywhere. Yes I have a great group of people to work with but I don’t feel like we are making that much of a difference. I some times call us the hidden gem. We are the hidden gem that everyone never or hardly sees. We are the ones that put the words on the screen, post the sermons, edit the website and of course run the sound. I love my guys and I love working with each and everyone of them. I feel like a proud pappa. I want to be a great leader to them all and one of the things I feel I have to do is get over my strong hold.

I am just (as my sister put it today) bummed I want to be more like christ and I feel more like a slug. I guess I can title this entry Oh Woe is me. I sound like I am complaining but I am just getting things off my chest. But as for me this is enough I actually feel better (sort of) so I am off to post our Sunday Sermons

Till Next Entry

Filed Under: Church, Questions

Random Thoughts 6 of Many: Learning To Slow Down

Posted on March 8, 2009 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

the last two weeks have been crazy I have been doing lots around the church I have been there almost 6 days

February 24 –> This Generation (all day)
February 26 –> Durham House of Prayer
February 28 –> Women’s Mini-Conference doing sound and recordings
March 1 –> both AM & PM Services
March 3 –> This Generation (all day)
March 5 –> Durham House of Prayer
March 6 –> All Night Prayer (8:00 pm – 4:30 am)

Saturday I get the Flu yes you heard me the flu.. I was not impressed.. I was ready to kill something.. then I realized what is going on.. I have not really rested and taken time out for me. I have not taken the time to rest up and just do what I want to do. I pushed my self so hard (other then my prayer time each morning) that I just crashed (if that is the way to put it)

Last night I realized that I needed to pursue him more (then I do) and not do so much. You see it is not about works but about the time you spend with God in your prayer closet or as some call it the secret place. Then God can then use you because you submit yourself to him.

Over the last 7 or 8 years (I think) I have been battling a lot of health conditions and this weekend I was preparing for my surgery on Monday when blam! this hit.. I now know that they are going to put this off and I am going to have to look into another date. A good friend of mine from Durham House of Prayer did mention this to me about slowing down..

I have never been that type of person. I never wanted my disabilities (here’s 1) to slow me down. But at times I have to listen to my body and most times I don’t so I end up crashing and this is not the first time. But this winter has been the worst for me. I have had the flu 3 times to the point were I Vomit. Why don’t I listen? Why don’t I slow down? This is who I am push till I crash.

to my parents, good friends at Durham House of Prayer and my mentor.. all I have to say is you are right.. I need to take more time for me as much as I want to serve you with my gift I need to look at all I am doing and start to slow things down. Guess this is my next root Josh guess this is me finally listening to all of the people who have told me this for years now.

Well that is all for me, Till Next Entry!

Filed Under: Church, Life, Questions

Media, Whats Right For Christians?

Posted on January 3, 2009 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

ello,

As I write this post I am also watching Transformers and like all of us I enjoy a good movie or two but I struggle as a Christian on what I should and should not look at/watch on the media today.. from the TV to movies to the internet we all have a choice to make. We all have to decide what is right for us and our families..

As a person who records movie after movie I struggle each and every time I want to record a film with weather or not I should even have that in my apartment, would this be a film I would show to my nieces (as she becomes age appropriate, she is now 3 and 7.5 months ) and even for me would I want to recommend that to some of my Christian and Non-Christian  friends.

Over the summer I was really into following along with the Todd Bentley services on God.tv and as I was praying one night the Lord started to talk to me about the things that were in my life that I should clean out. One of these things was the amount of movies I had and weather or not (as stated above) I would show them to my un-saved friends or even family. This stood out to me the most of all things I had to clean out of my life.  Well that was August and it is now January

But what confuses me is all the stuff I read on the internet from Christian movie reviewers and the comments from the readers. Some day yes that was a good movie but as a Christian I should not have watched it. Some say look at all the biblical issues that come up and look at how it addresses issues of life today. Other say as a Christians don’t watch this film. I am confizzled what is the right choice?

I am a fan of movies with a lot of urban culture, action, violence and fight  scenes (Rush Hour, Transformers, Step Up, Save The Last Dance etc..) but should I be watching these types of films? Should I even have them in the house. I am also a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy but again with all the who’s sleeping with who and as my dad calls it General Hospital for the 21st Century should I even have that in the house (home not Dr House LOL). I don’t know sometimes what to do. Disconnect the cable? Sell off my DVDS and give the money back to the church? What do I do?

Pastor Derek Schneider our Young Adults Pastor at my church made is own decision not to have tv in his home until he is married and wants to spend all his time reading and understanding the things of God. I admire this man for taking this step in his life. I think we as Christians should try this even for 3 days and see how long we last, see how long we can do without our TV, Movies, Media and Itunes.

I know God called me to this and I failed. I could not make it even 1 day without wondering what is on the tv, did I set my pvr, I hope I don’t miss Jon and Kate Plus 8. Well then I got spiritually attacked and I could not take it anymore.. I went to lie down as this made my current health issue worse then normal and I totally forgot I was fasting put on the tv and never looked back. Once I realized what happend I was done.

I felt awful.. I never had a fast go so bad I have done so many of them. 1 was with no tv unless is was shows that were family oriented like Little House on The Parie, Full House, Fresh Prince etc.. I even did one were it was no technology like internet or computers unless it was my ministry work at the church and both times those went off great. This one because God called me to it was the hardest I had ever done. I even during 3 Days in his Presence fasted my tv and did much better at it then anything.. but after this media fast I asked God for forgiveness and asked how I did and as far as I heard from him it was “You have done well my son, this was a great try”

I know I can do this and I know I will beat this.. It is just a matter of weather or not I want to.. When the Lord called me to this fast he asked me one question “What and who do you love more Me or your technology?” the answer was simple the fast was not. I will beat this..

But again we as Christians have to make better informed choices on the music we listen too, the tv we watch and even the movies we go and see. If I struggle with this, then I can imagine what you are going through. If you have thoughts out there on how you can beat this or how to make informed choices please feel free to post a comment or contact me any thoughts on this will be appreciated.

If you want a good sermon on just one of the topics in this e-mail then I recommend you download “The Truth of Music” By Pastor Derek Schneider at www.embassyonline.ca/media.php or click this link here

Be Blessed!

Filed Under: Church, Questions, Technology

When is Enough, Enough?

Posted on December 16, 2008 by MJSiebolt • 0 Comments

Hello,

Quite often I ask myself this question, when is enough enough? When is it time to say I am going to change that habbit, I am going to change that thing in my life.. I just met today with a really good frind and someone who I know will be a great spiritual mentor and we had a really great chat about things. I just sat there and took in all that he had to say and began to think to myself when is enough enough?

I began to see myself in a whole new light and learn some things in my past still have an effect today on how I am living my life. I never knew that comments made to me in my past could effect the way I live for today.. some comments (or decelerations) were made so long ago that I had forgotten about them until today. It is amazing how our words will have an effect on someone.. it may not be today, it may not be tomarrow but it could be 5, 10, 15 or even 20 years l8tr

I sat there talking with this good friend of mine and learned so much about intercession and the effect it will have on not only myself but the people I am praying for. I also learned about how the words I speak about myself, my friend, my ex girlfriends etc.. can have a major impact on there lives and for that I truly am sorry.

I just begin to wonder though.. will I ever change? Will I ever break strong holds in my life? Will I ever see the full potential that God has for me? I have a strong hold in my life that I know is holding me back and has for a long time and when I let it get me down I start to really beat myself up and this is when I start to think all of that. I also start to think will God ever truly forgive me for it. I know that he will but I still doubt myself

The bible states in Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1 (NASB) . But like most of us we condem ourselves because of this strong hold or sin in our lives. I have been beating up myself for a long time now and still am when I fall. Just when I think I have it beat the devil finds away to get me to fall into that sin in that same way again. Will it ever end..

Will I beat the things that have me held down.. only time will tell. How far am I willing to go to follow christ? How much work will this take? Am I willing to go the distance? If I can screw up a 3 day fast what more can I mess up? I really sometimes hate myself but I know that things can only get better. I am willing to FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I have great people around me.

My friend who I met when today called them spiritual authorities. I truly believe that. My Mentor, My Good friends at Durham House of Prayer are all people who I count on when I am down, hurting or even just need to talk. They have all been good to me and I know that 2009 will be a good year and things will change in my life just because you struggle with some thing for over 10 years does not mean it cannot be broken. Just have faith and declaire it will be broken (taking my own advice now HA HA HA) and you will start to see change in your life.

Be Blessed!

Filed Under: Church, Questions, Technology